Connecting

The final session of Dale Carnegie is one where students share what they have learned and applied over the 12 weeks.

As a coach I must always be prepared to jump in and give an example of the various talks. The last couple of weeks, while driving between my in and out of town training sessions, I had quality driving time to ponder just how the DC course had affected me.

I wasn’t asked to talk last evening but I was prepared to and share it here.

I was familiar with who Dale Carnegie was and had skimmed through a couple of his books, absorbing a few bits of wisdom from them. I mean heck, much of it was common sense stuff but Carnegie laid it out for you in a formulaic way anyone could apply. I began the Dale Carnegie course as a skeptic solely because as one who speaks in public frequently, I was comfortable talking in front of a group. Technically, I was good too. I didn’t harbor any strange affectations to distract my audience. My skepticism was based on thinking, I am a professional speaker and trainer, and so what could I really learn? When my boss offered to pay the rather large fee, I said what the hay?

I did my required talks and listened to my classmates, some who were obviously very uncomfortable, one to the point of looking like he would pass out each time he came to the front of the room. As we got deeper into the course, some shared bits and pieces of their personal lives, quite a few filled with tragic stories they bravely shared with us. Now I have always believed as a training professional one must take on a certain façade of professionalism, one where emotion is not part of the program, yet these folks were brave enough to cross the line, often winning awards for their talks. I wondered how they could share like this after all it wasn’t very professional to show any emotion while speaking in a business setting.

Week after week I spoke; quite well so I thought, yet never was called to the front to receive accolades. Something was missing from my talks. I couldn’t quite figure it out.

During our two-week break during the Christmas holidays, my husband and I had to make an emergency road trip to Chicago from our home in Florida. My father-in-law was in a coma and not expected to last for more than a day or two. He passed away the day after Christmas.

When we returned to class for our last session, I gave my speech talking about an incident during our Christmas tragedy. I came close to tears when I spoke. It was a powerful moment and the retelling brought back all the emotion. The other students felt it too.

I finished my two minutes, sat down, and was struck by an epiphany. It wasn’t that I wasn’t a good speaker but I had been putting a wall between me and my audience. I was technically good but I wasn’t making the personal connection with my audience. That was the missing ingredient.

Let yourself be vulnerable; connect with your audience. Not only will you become a better communicator, you will be a better person.